Thursday, August 2, 2012


As a continuation of yesterday's post, I have a few more things to get off my chest for the moment.

First, there are people in this world that I would easily defend until the Earth's end. Those people are wonderful and without them, I would not be able to hang on very well, if at all. They are my primary support group and I proudly call them my friends. From the silent supporters to the most vocal advocates, you all make my life tolerable.

Now, I want to cover a kind of sub topic of something I talked about yesterday: Dependence. More specifically, the idea that I have to rely on others for transportation if I am to do anything in a timely fashion.

This came up as the result of a brief conversation with one of my favorite people. She is partially in the same boat and we feel the same way about this. To put it lightly, it sucks ass having to depend upon other people for transportation, among other things.

While there's not much I can do about it for the moment, the driving situation will always be problematic for me because of Tourette's Syndrome. It freakin' sucks and I don't exactly know how I'm going to handle the rest of my life without the ability to drive.

I mean, I do plan on obtaining my license one of these days. I just don't feel like it's a great idea to utilize said license as often as other people, despite the freedom it may bring. I don't want to veer off into the side of the road in a flurry of bad ticks and cause a serious accident. That's a serious problem, no matter how much some of you may roll your eyes, shrug and act like I'm making a big deal out of nothing; you have no idea what it's like, seriously.

This is one of the main problems in my life and in fact, it drags me down more than some people may think.

The other thing I really want to discuss this morning involves my physical appearance. More or less, the idea that I will always be big in some way because I am simply a big dude.

I've been losing weight at a steady pace, but I feel like it's just not enough. I've splurged a bit here and there, but most of the time I don't eat anywhere near the point of "too much" and I avoid unhealthy drinks, alcohol and many other very bad things. I don't even eat immense amounts of sweet stuff anymore. At least, not compared to what I used to consume!

Still, I feel like I'm at that point where I should be doing a bit more in an attempt to shave weight off a bit faster. I'm not asking for 20 pounds a week or something insane like that, but I'd like to drop a good 4-5 pounds each week, which is going to require quite a bit more effort. Motivation is key and really, that's what I lack.

I know the weight will come off over time. I'm losing weight at a steady enough pace to reach my goal eventually, so long as I stick with it and that's really not a problem. I'd just like to hit that goal at a faster pace and I'm having trouble pushing myself hard enough to take part in daily workouts with any sort of real intensity.

I guess you could say that I'm feeling a bit down on myself today. I feel unattractive and unwanted; just one of those days.

I'm done for now, though. Maybe I'll contribute more to this wall of text later today.

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