Tuesday, March 29, 2011


So, I'm not entirely sure what to make of life. There honestly isn't any other way to sum things up right now as far as I'm concerned.

There's much on my mind, but the first and foremost issue is that of my ex-girlfriend. While it's true that we broke up "for good" recently, we have been on speaking terms. We have spent a small amount of time together and we have managed to be happy during said time together.

BUT, as with all seemingly good things, here's one "small" problem...

Lack of trust.

I'm afraid of any possible outcome. I don't even trust the most basic words that come from that girl's mouth. It's to the point that I even doubt her daily stories about her basic routine. It's sickening and I don't really enjoy such feelings, but she begged me to the point that I felt as though I had no choice but to let her back in, even if only for a brief period of time.

The thing is, this girl has straight up admitted what she's done wrong. She knows what she did and she feels horrible about the whole situation. She even claims that she's going to prove me wrong, regardless of how little I trust her. That's not saying much, of course, as far as I'm concerned; still, it is what it is.

The simplest way to explain this: I'm stuck between my heart and my brain.

On one hand, my heart is crying out for her. My heart tells me to hold her and to never let go, as if she were my only reason for living or something like that.

But then, on the other hand, my brain tells me that I'm stupid for even considering any sort of possible future with this girl. It's as if someone is yelling at me, ripping me apart and throwing me against the wall each and every time I so much as hug this girl.

So, what do I do? I can't even decide at this point, so I'm letting her do her thing and just going about my life, hoping that time will reveal the truth, one way or the other. Maybe she'll play head games and act like a child. Maybe she'll grow up and really make something of this cruddy situation. I'm not sure, but something has to happen, one way or the other, with or without my hand as the driving force.

All of that relationship drama aside, there are a handful of other things going on that I have to get off my chest.

I'm sick of Walmart. I made that point very obvious already. My availability has been changed, so that part is no longer an issue. My bosses are still assholes, though and so are some of the people throughout the store. Hell, not a day goes by in which I do not feel like strangling someone that works at my store. I swear, some of the employees are worse than most of the customers.

So, hand-in-hand with that is Mid-Atlantic bakery, which is a potential new place of employment. It could be next week. Who knows? It may even take 2 or 3 months. But I WILL be there within' a 3 month time frame, tops.

The benefits far outweigh anything bad that could be said of my new job, but there ARE a few issues.

While the healthcare, union benefits and much higher (over 2x) pay rate are wonderful benefits, as well as the awesome set schedule, I'll have to deal with a boring and potentially very hazardous position in a very high risk factory. And on top of that, transportation may become much more of an issue; it depends on the time and day. But even still, for that kind of money, I can deal with the extra time and more difficult/repetitious work.

Otherwise, daily stress is killing me. Between customers at Walmart, my bosses, a few of my co-workers, my family and the stress of the situation involving my ex-girlfriend and I, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack at any given moment. I don't know what the heck will happen to me these days.

And you know, I honestly can't even say that I know who my true friends are these days. Shit is just that crazy, but that's not something I want to sit here and get into. I'll be writing for 10 hours if I cover every single bit of my life, at this rate!

Anyway, it's time to hope off here, grab some food and figure out when I'm going to bed. Peace!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Another New Chapter

So, I started working at Walmart in Golden Ring on December 3, 2010. Since then, life has been better, but quite a bit more on the stressful side due to the woes of working at a retail store.

First of all, my job description did not include 80% of the things that I'm told to do. In fact, on a normal day, I rarely have the chance do everything that all grocery sales associates are supposed to do aside from restocking milk or putting away the returns.

Second, there are a few employees that make work a pain in the ass. My "Zone Supervisor", Tom is the main problem. He's always making people do trivial things. No matter how often we question what he asks us to do, he just wont listen to our point of view. He only allows us to do what he wants us to do and only in the way that he wants us to do said task.

Of course, there are a few other people that are a pain in the ass for various reasons. Some of the daytime ICS crew, for example, are the kind of people that could be considered stereotypical. They make fun of people for no good reason and act like a bunch of asshats. It's totally okay when they insult you, but as soon as you retaliate, they get all frustrated like it's not cool. Such is life, I suppose!

The final bunch of morons are the absolute worst: Overnight employees. Some of them are pretty cool, but the primary group of overnighters that stock our section are a bunch of assholes. They insult us, treat us like we're the scum of the Earth and on top of that, they don't even do their job properly. We come in every day and the shelves are a complete mess because the overnighters move anything they want to places they don't belong just so they can be lazy. Oh well.

Third, the hours are freakin' insane! One day, I might close. Then, the very next morning, I'll have to be awake between 6-7AM just to prepare so I can get to work on time between 8-9AM. Seriously people, WHAT THE FUCK? It's unhealthy to force your employees to work without proper rest! Not to mention the fact that it fucks up a person's sleeping schedule pretty bad!

There are a bunch of other things that I could go on listing all afternoon, but you get the point. There are, however, a few primary positive points to be made about my job at Walmart.

The most important thing is that I've made a bunch of new friends. I never expected to meet so many genuine cool people working at Walmart, but clearly I was wrong!

The other benefit is clearly the money. While they pay me nowhere near enough to compensate me for what I actually do for them, the money HAS allowed me to buy pretty much anything I want for the time being.

And finally, I get away from my family enough to avoid most of the stupid drama and arguments. That doesn't mean that home life is much better, but it HAS improved to an extent just because I don't have to be around them as often.

In other news, Emily and I are officially separated. It hurts, but the pain is fading away more as time goes by. It's sad, though. I genuinely thought that I would be with that girl forever. She needs to grow up and learn a bit more about life before she gets into anything serious. That's all there is to it. I wont insult her or say anything bad. What happened between us is, for now, between her and I. But it's out there. I'm single. She's single. That's life. Recovery will happen... eventually.

Otakon is only a few months away. I'm relatively excited about that, although not as much as I probably should be. Maybe when the date draws nearer? We'll see.

I'm excited to play Dragon Age 2, which should arrive at my doorstep on Monday, March 28.

I started playing Rift, rejoined FFXI and also bought a few other games, such as Bulletstorm for Xbox 360 and Crysis 2 LE for PC. Needless to say, I've been keeping myself quite busy.

I've been attempting to go out a lot more often, which HAS been a success for the most part. My random days off don't help, but I still make due with what I have. :)

I still need to get on the whole driving school thing. It's taking longer than I thought, but it's honestly mostly due to laziness. I'm so tired from work half the time because of those close-open-close-open days that I just don't even want to do anything. We'll see if I can't get my availability fixed for a while, though.. Carla supposedly approved it; we'll see.

There's not much else I feel like saying right now, but there's a basic update for anyone that cares. ;)

Have a good one!