Life.

So, I'm not entirely sure what to make of life. There honestly isn't any other way to sum things up right now as far as I'm concerned.

There's much on my mind, but the first and foremost issue is that of my ex-girlfriend. While it's true that we broke up "for good" recently, we have been on speaking terms. We have spent a small amount of time together and we have managed to be happy during said time together.

BUT, as with all seemingly good things, here's one "small" problem...

Lack of trust.

I'm afraid of any possible outcome. I don't even trust the most basic words that come from that girl's mouth. It's to the point that I even doubt her daily stories about her basic routine. It's sickening and I don't really enjoy such feelings, but she begged me to the point that I felt as though I had no choice but to let her back in, even if only for a brief period of time.

The thing is, this girl has straight up admitted what she's done wrong. She knows what she did and she feels horrible about the whole situation. She even claims that she's going to prove me wrong, regardless of how little I trust her. That's not saying much, of course, as far as I'm concerned; still, it is what it is.

The simplest way to explain this: I'm stuck between my heart and my brain.

On one hand, my heart is crying out for her. My heart tells me to hold her and to never let go, as if she were my only reason for living or something like that.

But then, on the other hand, my brain tells me that I'm stupid for even considering any sort of possible future with this girl. It's as if someone is yelling at me, ripping me apart and throwing me against the wall each and every time I so much as hug this girl.

So, what do I do? I can't even decide at this point, so I'm letting her do her thing and just going about my life, hoping that time will reveal the truth, one way or the other. Maybe she'll play head games and act like a child. Maybe she'll grow up and really make something of this cruddy situation. I'm not sure, but something has to happen, one way or the other, with or without my hand as the driving force.

All of that relationship drama aside, there are a handful of other things going on that I have to get off my chest.

I'm sick of Walmart. I made that point very obvious already. My availability has been changed, so that part is no longer an issue. My bosses are still assholes, though and so are some of the people throughout the store. Hell, not a day goes by in which I do not feel like strangling someone that works at my store. I swear, some of the employees are worse than most of the customers.

So, hand-in-hand with that is Mid-Atlantic bakery, which is a potential new place of employment. It could be next week. Who knows? It may even take 2 or 3 months. But I WILL be there within' a 3 month time frame, tops.

The benefits far outweigh anything bad that could be said of my new job, but there ARE a few issues.

While the healthcare, union benefits and much higher (over 2x) pay rate are wonderful benefits, as well as the awesome set schedule, I'll have to deal with a boring and potentially very hazardous position in a very high risk factory. And on top of that, transportation may become much more of an issue; it depends on the time and day. But even still, for that kind of money, I can deal with the extra time and more difficult/repetitious work.

Otherwise, daily stress is killing me. Between customers at Walmart, my bosses, a few of my co-workers, my family and the stress of the situation involving my ex-girlfriend and I, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack at any given moment. I don't know what the heck will happen to me these days.

And you know, I honestly can't even say that I know who my true friends are these days. Shit is just that crazy, but that's not something I want to sit here and get into. I'll be writing for 10 hours if I cover every single bit of my life, at this rate!

Anyway, it's time to hope off here, grab some food and figure out when I'm going to bed. Peace!