9/23/2012

2012 has been a very intense year.

In some ways, it's been one of the most important and fantastic years I've lived through. But on the other hand, there are other reasons that make this one of the worst years of my life, too.

I'm trying my best to remain happy, but there are times when it's not easy to retain my grip on reality. And before I continue, I'm doing very well, all things considered. A lot of options for change have been presented and I'm doing what I can to have a more positive outlook. Some of my friends have been wonderful support, and I will never be able to thank them enough for that. They know who they are, and I love them all.

But really, that stuff is for another post. This one is dedicated to something truly amazing that has happened.

Recently, there has been a major change. This change involves my awesome brother and his fantastic lady, Rita. In short, they were married. I was Mat's best man, and it was the most beautiful wedding I've ever been a part of. They were and are as happy as couples come, and I know in my heart that those two are meant for each other. It was only a matter of time before they tied the knot! Many girls dream of having a fairy tale wedding, and Rita definitely fulfilled that dream!

Ladies and gentlemen, they were married on a freakin' boat! A beautiful boat with an open bar, tons of top quality food, an awesome DJ and very fancy decor. The top of the boat even looked like a damn modern social club in some ways. It was SO awesome! Reami and I even stepped out at one point and had the chance to see the sun setting over the water, right in front of us, as soon as we opened the door. How often do you get to say that you "stumbled into" a sun set on the open sea while at an amazing wedding? Never in our case, that's for damn sure!

Everyone had a fantastic time. It was surely a day that none of us will ever forget.

Mr. & Mrs. Tyc - September 23, 2012. Enjoy your lives together, guys!

Change...why?

Once upon a time, I was innocent. It's true. As with all life, I started innocent and even lasted longer than most before giving in to the darkness of my desires.

I loathed drugs, alcohol and the idea of ever risking one's own health for the sake of a quick high. I never lied. I never considered any sort of theft. I trusted everyone without question. I didn't cheat. I was as innocent and reserved as they came, and so much so that I felt it difficult to express myself. I simply did not speak of what troubled me, ever.

I look back and wonder what went wrong. How did I change so much? I do things that I know I should not be doing, even after questioning myself. It's like an impulse to just do the wrong thing.

Now, before we continue, let it be known that I am by no means a cheat or a constant liar. That's not what I'm getting at. I'm just far different from my younger self, and I cannot control some of these terrible impulses.

I've been good about the whole alcohol thing. I've planned my CompTIA training. I've cut out quite a few people that were only making my life worse. I mean, I've really been putting effort into creating a better future for myself.

Still, I keep doing the wrong thing. At least, from my own perspective. But really, I'm not sure what "right" really means anymore.

I don't feel like I can truly vent here or anywhere about those things that trouble me. I'm conflicted. But really, how can I have any sort of hope, or faith in myself, when I can't even trust myself? I just don't know anymore...