"When I feel that something, I want to hold your hand."
Right now, that's sort of how I feel. I can't escape this very dark and lonely space. When I reach out for help, there's no response; physical or otherwise.
My mind has been wandering into the farthest reaches of depression and I see no viable escape.
All of this has been the result of several serious scares. Primarily, the heart attacks of both of my parents. They both had them within' the time span of the same year, surgery included. They were both told to stop smoking, cut out caffeine and quit drinking, but what happened? Not a damn thing. They both still smoke a lot. They both still have alcoholic drinks and beer whenever they want. They both still drink tons of coffee on a daily basis with a whole lot of sugar. They are effectively killing themselves without regard to the world or people around them.
What about their grand kids?
What about their children?
What about their parents?
What about their siblings?
I'm scared, to put it lightly. Not only for myself, but also for everyone else. The death of either or both of my parents will be a huge loss when that time comes, but that time does not have to be right now.
What can I possibly do about this situation? I've confronted them, only to be met with laughs, pity trips and other such things. They even go as far as to contradict what they've previously said and done. It's one big circle and there are no breaks.
There are many other things on my mind, but this is what's really been bothering me. Death surrounds us, but it's getting far too close to my own heart at this point and I don't know how to proceed.
I'll consider writing more later, but for now, good night.
